Today would have been my 13 years cancer free anniversary. I know that God has a plan and a reason for why I'm not celebrating today. And whatever it may be, I'm ok with that. I've always asked God to use me and my life to bring others to His kingdom. I want my life to be a testimony of faith and love and grace and mercy. So, even though I'm not celebrating an anniversary of being cancer free, I'm still celebrating Him! To God be the glory!
Love Rian - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
To Cooper: Love You Forever
One of my favorite things to do with Cooper is to read to him. We read lots of books, but my favorite one is called Love You Forever. It's about a mother's love for her son. The story says: I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. It's the perfect book for a mother to read to her baby boy. It's so special, in fact, I don't even let Jared read this one to him. It's just for mommy and Cooper! Sometimes, I read it and tears just flow down my face. I am so blessed to have Cooper in my life. I cherish every moment we have together, and I look forward to reading him this book for as long as he'll sit in my lap and listen to it. I know he's just a baby, but the look in his eyes when I read those words lets me know he understands that I'll love him forever. I'll like him for always. And as long as I'm living, my baby he'll be.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Blessings
It was the beginning of January, and I was sitting at work when I got the worst pains EVER in my stomach. When you're pregnant, you assume everything you feel in your tummy has to do with your baby. So, of course, I went into panic mode. Jared came to get me, and we rushed off to my OB. Long story short ... lots of bloodwork, an ultrasound and an hour on the contraction monitor revealed that there was nothing wrong with Cooper. And an hour later, we realized I had a stomach virus. Nice. And, although it was the worst stomach virus I've ever had, at least there wasn't anything wrong with Cooper. And, five days later, I was better.
In the meantime, we learn that my thyroid levels were all out of whack. I had to see an endocrinologist, and he told me that I had a nodule on my thyroid which is why my blood work was all jacked up. As a cancer survivor when someone tells you that you have a nodule anywhere, you automatically "go there." You start to worry. You just can't help it. The worst part was that we couldn't do the biopsy until I was 2 months post pardum. So, we had to go through 4 months of not knowing. We chose not to tell anyone except my sister. We wanted the focus to be on Cooper and not on worrying about me.
And, in the meantime, Jared's dad got sick. Wow. That was hard. We worried about him, and in the back of our minds we wondered if we'd be going through the same thing in a couple of months. But kept calm and stayed positive and stayed quiet about our situation. It was too much for the rest of the family to handle. No need to worry everyone if there wasn't anything to worry about.
Fast forward a little ... Cooper just turned 7 weeks old, so it was time to schedule my biopsy. Jared and I headed over to the doctor's office, and he did the biopsy right then and there. He explained to us that the majority of these nodules are benign and never cause problems. I think he quoted me 95%. Two days later, I got the call. Benign. Hallelujah. But then, that same day, I heard from a friend whose mom was at the hospital having her thyroid removed because although it was benign, it was getting bigger and causing problems. Except it wasn't benign at all. When they got in there to take it out, they found cancer. And a lot of it. Hello God! Thank you for the message. I called the doctor back immediately and told them to schedule my thyroidectomy. They tried to talk me out of it, but I said please just schedule it. It was labeled elective surgery.
This past Friday, I had my elective thyroidectomy (lol) and a rather large nodule was removed along with the left side of my thyroid. On Wednesday, I found out that I too was diagnosed with thyroid cancer despite what the biopsy said. Follicular Thyroid Carcinoma to be exact.
How can anyone say they don't believe in God? I've seen his hand in my life on more than one occasion. I went to the doctor with a stomach virus. Who knew that would save my life? I thought, at the time, I was dying! ha! And, if I had listened to the doctor and ignored the message God sent through my friend, the tumor would still be in there, and we'd never know. But, because of all of this, we caught the cancer really early. I have a 98% chance of survival. I'll take those odds any day.
I go in next Thursday to have the rest of my thyroid removed. The next 4 weeks will be rough. I won't be taking any thyroid meds, so I won't have any energy, I'll be grumpy and cold. My doctor explained it like this, "you're going to be the most miserable you've ever been in your life." Great! After that, I have to take a very high dose of radioactive iodine therapy, and I'll be in isolation for two weeks. No Cooper. No Jared. That's going to be the longest two weeks ever. It's going to be the hardest two weeks ever. After that, we'll do a scan to make sure the cancer is gone. Then, I'm finished. I'm healed. Halelujah.
Please pray. It's been a rough year so far. But, it's also been a great year. After all, God has blessed me with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And, He found a way to save my life from that mean ole cancer. Life can always be worse. I'm thankful God is always with me. My favorite poem is "Footsteps" - It says this, "When you saw only one set of footsteps, it was then that I carried you." Sometimes I feel like I'm always being carried. God is good. All the time.
In the meantime, we learn that my thyroid levels were all out of whack. I had to see an endocrinologist, and he told me that I had a nodule on my thyroid which is why my blood work was all jacked up. As a cancer survivor when someone tells you that you have a nodule anywhere, you automatically "go there." You start to worry. You just can't help it. The worst part was that we couldn't do the biopsy until I was 2 months post pardum. So, we had to go through 4 months of not knowing. We chose not to tell anyone except my sister. We wanted the focus to be on Cooper and not on worrying about me.
And, in the meantime, Jared's dad got sick. Wow. That was hard. We worried about him, and in the back of our minds we wondered if we'd be going through the same thing in a couple of months. But kept calm and stayed positive and stayed quiet about our situation. It was too much for the rest of the family to handle. No need to worry everyone if there wasn't anything to worry about.
Fast forward a little ... Cooper just turned 7 weeks old, so it was time to schedule my biopsy. Jared and I headed over to the doctor's office, and he did the biopsy right then and there. He explained to us that the majority of these nodules are benign and never cause problems. I think he quoted me 95%. Two days later, I got the call. Benign. Hallelujah. But then, that same day, I heard from a friend whose mom was at the hospital having her thyroid removed because although it was benign, it was getting bigger and causing problems. Except it wasn't benign at all. When they got in there to take it out, they found cancer. And a lot of it. Hello God! Thank you for the message. I called the doctor back immediately and told them to schedule my thyroidectomy. They tried to talk me out of it, but I said please just schedule it. It was labeled elective surgery.
This past Friday, I had my elective thyroidectomy (lol) and a rather large nodule was removed along with the left side of my thyroid. On Wednesday, I found out that I too was diagnosed with thyroid cancer despite what the biopsy said. Follicular Thyroid Carcinoma to be exact.
How can anyone say they don't believe in God? I've seen his hand in my life on more than one occasion. I went to the doctor with a stomach virus. Who knew that would save my life? I thought, at the time, I was dying! ha! And, if I had listened to the doctor and ignored the message God sent through my friend, the tumor would still be in there, and we'd never know. But, because of all of this, we caught the cancer really early. I have a 98% chance of survival. I'll take those odds any day.
I go in next Thursday to have the rest of my thyroid removed. The next 4 weeks will be rough. I won't be taking any thyroid meds, so I won't have any energy, I'll be grumpy and cold. My doctor explained it like this, "you're going to be the most miserable you've ever been in your life." Great! After that, I have to take a very high dose of radioactive iodine therapy, and I'll be in isolation for two weeks. No Cooper. No Jared. That's going to be the longest two weeks ever. It's going to be the hardest two weeks ever. After that, we'll do a scan to make sure the cancer is gone. Then, I'm finished. I'm healed. Halelujah.
Please pray. It's been a rough year so far. But, it's also been a great year. After all, God has blessed me with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And, He found a way to save my life from that mean ole cancer. Life can always be worse. I'm thankful God is always with me. My favorite poem is "Footsteps" - It says this, "When you saw only one set of footsteps, it was then that I carried you." Sometimes I feel like I'm always being carried. God is good. All the time.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Time is running away with my heart
Is it possible that time actually speeds up when you're happy? It seems as though the night comes as quickly as the mornings begin. And, I find myself begging for just another hour. My days used to be filled with the hustle and bustle of alarm clocks, phones ringing, meeting reminders and email alerts. Now, they are filled coos and ahhhs, cries that mean I'm hungry and cries that mean change me, vibrations of bouncy seats and songs from swings. My life has changed beyond anything I ever imagined or was prepared for. The last 8 weeks have been the happiest days of my life. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's the truth. And, those of you who have children are probably reading this and smiling in understanding. Cooper James Edwards entered my world at 3:52 p.m. on March 13. He weighed 8lbs 13oz and was 20 in long. My life will never be the same.
Before he was born, I wrote him a letter. The short story of it said this ... "I can't wait to meet you. I hope you have ... I hope you are ... I'm going to love you forever and ever." Well, now that he's here, it's the beginning and the end of the letter that I realize are all that matters. I no longer care whose eyes he has or which personality he takes after. He's Cooper. And, he's perfect. He's mommy's little snuggle bug. He's the spitting image of his daddy. And, boy oh boy does he melt my heart all day, every day. And, I love him so much. No, I mean I REALLY love him. It's as if God cracked open my chest during delivery and stretched my heart in order to make room for the amount of love that I would have for him the minute I laid eyes on him. I'll never forget that moment for as long as I live.
Ahhhh ... Life is good. No, wait, life is PERFECT. And, for those of you who are thinking, "yeah right, no one's life is perfect" ... Let me tell you, this is my version of perfect! I have prayed for this little guy for as long as I can remember. God granted my every want and need when He answered this prayer, and I thank Him every day!
I'm sorry for not giving updates over these last 2 months, but I've been busy enjoying my precious little boy. I'll try to do better. I promise.
Love and blessings,
Rian
Before he was born, I wrote him a letter. The short story of it said this ... "I can't wait to meet you. I hope you have ... I hope you are ... I'm going to love you forever and ever." Well, now that he's here, it's the beginning and the end of the letter that I realize are all that matters. I no longer care whose eyes he has or which personality he takes after. He's Cooper. And, he's perfect. He's mommy's little snuggle bug. He's the spitting image of his daddy. And, boy oh boy does he melt my heart all day, every day. And, I love him so much. No, I mean I REALLY love him. It's as if God cracked open my chest during delivery and stretched my heart in order to make room for the amount of love that I would have for him the minute I laid eyes on him. I'll never forget that moment for as long as I live.
Ahhhh ... Life is good. No, wait, life is PERFECT. And, for those of you who are thinking, "yeah right, no one's life is perfect" ... Let me tell you, this is my version of perfect! I have prayed for this little guy for as long as I can remember. God granted my every want and need when He answered this prayer, and I thank Him every day!
I'm sorry for not giving updates over these last 2 months, but I've been busy enjoying my precious little boy. I'll try to do better. I promise.
Love and blessings,
Rian
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